My word for 2012- Hagah

I’ve never been a “pick a word for the year” kind of girl.  I’ve honestly kinda seen it as silly.  Well add this to the “things I said I’d never do, but then went back on it” list.  

I learned about this word on Jan 1.  I was visiting my sister and brother-in-law for the holidays.  Andrew drew the short stick, so he was preaching a 9am service on New Year’s day…and I learned that Hagah is a hebrew word found in the Old Testament. (nerd moment desired? check out the dictionary)  It translates into English several ways.  Here’s one:

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate (hagah) on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. – Joshua 1:8

The word also means to growl or roar like a hungry lion over his prey.  It’s an onomatopoeia.  Think Batman…Bam! Splat! Bang!  These are words that sound like their meaning.  Hagah SOUNDS like that hungry lion.  The word up Joshua 1:8, “meditate”, only captures part of its full meaning.

There is a hunger that has been growing inside of me.  And I want to be filled.  I don’t want to be satisfied with snacks or appetizers.  But…I want to stay hungry at the same time.  I know the value of “staying hungry” as an athlete, as a learner, etc.  May God grow in me, and in you, a voracious palate (read: really really hungry appetite) for Him, for His Word, and for taking Him at His Word.

Identity-Part 2

A while back, I wrote Part 1 of this post….part 2 has been a long time coming!

I’ve spent time before telling Him who He is.  I’ve spent time rehearsing to myself who He says I am.  I spent time dreaming about all I can do.  But I realized that I don’t think I’ve put the three together ever really.

So I just started having fun filling in the blanks

You are ____________, because of that- I am ____________ and can do_______________

Who He is (theology) —-> Who I am (identity) —-> What I will do with that (obedience)

• You are my rock, and because of that I am secure
• You are my sustenance, and because of that I can be full
• You are BIG, and because of that I can turn to you with hope
• You are good, and because of that I can trust you
• You are faithful, and because of that I can have peace
• You fight for me, and because of that I can learn to be pursued
• You order my steps, and because of that I can expect an adenture
• You are Sovereign, and because of that I can trust that all will work out in the end
• You are patient with me, and because of that I can be honest with you
• You’ve never stopped loving me, and because of that I can be confident
• You are my Provider, and because of that I lack no good thing
• You are whole, and because of that I’m allowed to be dependent on you
• You love relationships, and because of that I can love and be loved freely
• You have set my feet on a rock, and because of that I am secure
• You never leave me, and because of that I can walk with a little swagger
• You wipe away my tears, and because of that I can be vulnerable with you
• You have a JOY to you, and because of that I can play like a kid
• You discipline me with love, and because of that I can trust your guidance- and should.
• You are my breath, and because of that I am free
• You rescue me, and because of that I have no fear
• You are my strength, and because of that I can be brave and fight worthy fights
• You are my confidence, and because of that I can be BOLD
• You created this beauty around me, and because of that I see your character, power, & creativity
• You are my Father, and because of that I can rest in your Protection and Provision
• You are my Husband, and because of that I can trust in your Love and Pursuit

Here’s some from my journal…(leaving out the what I’m gonna do with it, for now)…  You got any?

Identity-Part 1

Don’t you get frustrated when someone says one thing, but does another?  Yet I see that in myself all the time.  How do I get my mind and heart and actions to align?  I’ve been reminded recently that our actions arise from our thoughts & beliefs.

I truly do believe that our thoughts & beliefs come our of our theology (how we think about God).  So where does our theology come from?  Does it begin with God or with ourselves?

[Side note: I LOVE our experience oriented culture...we want to test something to see if it "works" or if it is relevant.  That's TOTALLY me!  But it has resulted at navel staring at times...and a theology that begins with small me, rather than big God.  And leaves me wanting.]

We tend to go about this the opposite way- thinking that we must start with obedience or performance, producing an identity that God MAYBE could accept.  [Credit to Chris Moerman for the general concept of the picture.  He's a cool dude.]  It’s gotta start with God (our theology) and end with our obedience in response to Him.  Otherwise- we’ll get more frustrated than we already are.  We may KNOW in our heads that the above picture is reality.  But we tend to draw a conclusion that we must white-knuckle it through life…this becomes our functional theology.

Jesus could have white-knuckled it when he was tempted.  He could’ve bailed and taken the easy path- the way out.  He KNOWS how hard it can be to obey- really none of us have been tested to the extent He has.

Take a look at the context of when Jesus was tempted.  It began with God.  God spoke Jesus’ identity to Him.  ”You are my Son”.  Principle for me? It starts with God- and who He is- and who He says I am.

Next scene? Identity is attacked: “IF you ARE the Son of God, then….”  Principle for me? The greatest opportunity for derailing me is for me to forget who He says I am.  I must fight back from the place of standing in my identity…and with the Truths in the Bible.  (But I’d love to take it one step further.)

Scene 3- Jesus returns in power , and He also reads to the people in the synagogue a passage from earlier in the Bible in the book of Isaiah.  While we’re checking contexts…This is drawn from Isaiah 61:1-4  <—check it out!  Principle for me? When I remember who He says I am, I am powerful, able to walk in obedience, and speak freedom into the lives of others!

So if I let this story read me, it looks a lot like that picture up there:

1. Because He is who He is
2. He can tell me who I am
3. therefore, I can rest in that and let it change my thinking/beliefs
4. changing how I walk and producing obedience
5. yielding a love for Him and life lived in a powerful way
6. and all the while…being anointed to bring freedom in a tangible way in my life and to others

Nashville Marathon

Complete a Marathon.  CHECK.  

Ticked another thing off the “lifetime-to-do list” recently.  Myself and about 30,000 other runners pounded the pavement on April 30th in the Nashville Country Music Marathon and 1/2.  Here’s the start!

I’ve been told by many people (both those that would consider themselves religious and those who would not) that running a marathon is a spiritual thing.  I now agree.  Here’s a few special things about my journey:

1. There’s something inexplicably awesome about dancing on the edge of what your body is physically capable of.  I came face to face with the former college athlete in me (who is now 32 years old).  It was awesome when it came time to push hard.  It was difficult when I faced injury.
2.   I pretty much gave up listening to music while training for Lent.  Nothing like 3 hr long runs with nothing but your thoughts to amuse you.  (flashback to summer workouts in college)  I re-learned how to run with God
3. My focal point for the race (courtesy of Erin Leonard): Worship- God created your body to work in an amazing way and when you run, you glorify Him.  I also had encouragement from Team413 to “Run with endurance the race that lies before [you] keeping [your] eyes on Jesus.
4. I have battled several injuries, and about 3 weeks out, my IT bands started cussing me.  I wondered if I would even be able to run.  When my knees began to ache 2 miles in to the race, I knew it would be a long day, just needed to “get my mind right” and be ok with doing my best.  That’s not an easy pill for a competitive person to swallow.
5. I ran with Clarice for the first 11 miles.  Poor girl, I talked her ear off!   Then, I met a teacher from Tuscaloosa who turned out to be a fellow Christ-follower and we ran together from mile 15-19.   We superseded the Auburn/Bama rivalry to encourage each other till it was time to part ways.  It’s always easier with a buddy.
6. During the difficult last few miles, I remembered something I had seen modeled when I helped with FCA-Endurance…encourage other competitors while you’re on the course.  As much of the back half of the course was an “out and back loop”, I passed others who were several miles behind me and applauded them as we groggily ambled past each other.  Attitude- to encourage others makes your run better.
7. Mile 25 was uphill?!?!?!  Who plans something like that?!?!?
8. I almost cried several times between 21-26.2- part of it due to mile 25.  My knees throbbed.  My running buddies were gone.  Those that had come to cheer would not be seen till the finish.  It was quiet on the course.  I felt alone.  This was when I realized that my marathoning friends were right.  Marathon IS spiritual.  I had a conversation with God those last few miles.  I KNEW His Presence as I was aware of my alone-ness.  I remembered that one day He had set His face like flint to endure more than I was experiencing in that moment.  And who encouraged Him?  Who cheered Him on?  It was His vision and love for me.

Even when I struggle and fail?

I spent much of last night trying to figure out how to answer a friend.  I’m sure you can relate to her.  Really, I can too.  She is a Christ-follower, but last night was battling the thought patterns that call to her old habits.  Discouragement.

You ever just get tired of fighting?  You ever know that He loves you, but wonder why He would?

I turn inward.  I give in.  I give up.  My friend was standing at this crossroads last night.  We can’t forgive ourselves, so why should He?  We think we can’t go to Him and say-

“Well, it’s me…again….I messed up…again…hope that’s ok.”

He forgives us when we come to Him because it is who He is.  He is Love.  Deep.  Mysterious.  Unfathomable.  “Senselessly faithful even when we aren’t” Love.  And I prayed.  I begged…am still begging…that He show this to her.  He’s more convincing than I am.  Plus- when has anything with Him depended on you?

Then this story rocked me this morning.  Read it.

So who did Jesus elevate?  Which guy went away “justified”?  It wasn’t the dude who had the conception that God was impressed with all he’s done for Him.  It was the guy who realized his need for mercy.  So thankful Jesus tells stories about people like me.  And like my friend.  And possibly like you.

May we realize that we can run boldly to God after we fall.  And may we fend off the pride and lies that would sneakily claim that our failings are greater than the grace of God.

I Will Wait For You

Why?  You ever find yourself asking that of God?  It’s not a bad question.  And I believe He can handle it.  How often does our “why” have a whine-y tone to it too?  360 days out of the year, I’m content…really, I am…with my singleness.  If you know me personally, you know I’ve been able to do things in the past 4 years that I NEVER could have had I been attached.  But I’ve got my seasons of “whine-y-ness” like the next person.  But here’s some truth that will help combat it in us both.

1- The other night was LADIES NIGHT!!!  The fellas were off having man time and raising the bar for them as a community.  Conversation ranged, but you know that the topic of singleness WOULD come up.  How could it not??  One lady shared about a convo she had with God that sounds a lot like one I’ve had too!  It goes something like this…

Us: Why am I still single?  Where is he?  This isn’t the life I originally thought I’d have… etc etc.

God: Well pray for him.

Us:  in the middle of other things we ask of God for him, we say “thank you that you’re keeping him for me”.

God: “Do you suppose he could be praying this too?  And you’d like that right?  And I wonder if that’s why you’re sitting here complaining to me about your singleness-I’m keeping you for him?”

2- Another lady from that night sent this video to us.  Can you handle it???  Ladies and Guys- Be Encouraged and Challenged

Canon Awe

“Let’s make this kid more famous than Bieber”- my favorite quote in response to this video.

Music is something that has always called me to lift my eyes, and my heart…the beauty of the work itself…the talent and enjoyment of the musician….they leave me inarticulately inspired.

And because I’m a bit of a music nerd at heart:

Canon in D by Johann Pachelbel is one of the most recognized classical pieces, probably because it makes so many wedding appearances.  A canon is such a simple work in that several voices play the same music, in sequence with each other.  Pachelbel added a bass line that is independent, but provides the glue for the entire piece.  It has become quite famous, as demonstrated in the following video!!!!

Lastly, there’s a Japanese dude, Jerry C, who has rearranged this piece into a Rock version…amazing

Excited about treadmills???

It’s the beginning of the year.  I wonder if treadmills dread January 1st?  Most people don’t necessarily LOOK FORWARD to blessing a treadmill with their presence.  But I know someone who does!  And her Facebook status made me cry with joy the other day.

I remember my sister battling health problems when we were both living at home…13+ years ago.    I have on more than one occasion asked God…why am I healthy?  It’s not fair!  I mean, I played college ball and really haven’t sat still since those days.  And all the while, my sister has had multiple doctors and appointments and procedures?  It just didn’t make sense.  It’s been a long road as we have prayed and waited and questioned and sought answers.

I want to return to this blog site, and so I choose to begin by celebrating something we’ve prayed about for YEARS!  Join me?  Here’s her FB status (with some edits by me):

For any friends or family who have followed my heart issues over the years: I had an appointment with my new Dr today. She agrees fully with my last Drs’ assessments! Such good news! Got my blood count done today, hoping for higher levels. Also will start basic exercise routine for 1st time in 7 years. Pray for success and weight loss!

I don’t know if you have a little sister or not.  But can you imagine how this hits an older sister who has had almost all of her educational and vocational life spin around exercise in some way?

Next FB update:

Ok! I just did my first treadmill workout. Made it 23 minutes and change, felt dizzy, so hopped right off and laid down and recovered. I didn’t make it as long as she wanted me to (30-40 min at 150 beats/min max) but I’d say that was pretty close! I listened to Stellar Kart on the ipod and worshipped and gave thanks the whole time… it was amazing. Thanks all for the prayers and encouragement! OH – and I got my blood results… I am within the “normal” range and waiting to hear more about it

Here’s the picture I got on my phone from my bro-in-law!!!  Funny thing is…I’m training for a marathon and was doing the same thing!!!

Laura on the treadmill

Me on the treadmill

MY SISTER NOW SHARES WITH ME MY EXPERIENCE OF RUNNING!!!  So proud of you sister!!!  And so thankful for a prayer that has been graciously answered in the way we had hoped.

15 August, 2010 11:22

grad school orientation + playing for a wedding + helping move a friend in + 2 long drives = what a girl needs this morning!

Tricksy Feelings

What it SHOULD look like:

Right Thoughts → Right Actions → Right Feelings

What it so often looks like:

Feelings  → Thoughts → Actions

Now…feelings aren’t necessarily right or wrong…good or bad.  They tend to simply be indicators or what’s going on “under the hood”.  But they’re very tricksy, those feelings.  And mine tend to lie to me and embellish things.  Can I get an amen?  We should wage the battle for our thoughts, knowing that they will produce actions and feelings will follow.  But so many times, we let our volatile feelings determine our thoughts and lead us to actions that we will regret later.

So you gotta love a late night convo with a friend who shares what her coaching mentor smacked her with lately…this was my take-away from that.